P5: Your Next Life-Changing Move

Welcome to the fifth installment of Just One Pivot. If someone shared it with you, you can subscribe here.

Today’s Pivot: Step into Your Circle of Control

The Advice That Changed Everything

Over two decades ago, I received pivotal advice that helped me win my battle over chronic anxiety, paralyzing worry, and feeling like a victim:

The Visual Metaphor

Imagine a large pizza delivered to your door. When you open the box, you'll see a small, round tripod in the middle, keeping the box from touching the pizza.

The pizza represents your Circle of Concern, where all the 'What ifs' live: What if I fail? What if I get laid off? What if it's cancer? What if the market crashes? What if something happens to my child? What if, what if, what if...

The tiny, round tripod represents your Circle of Control. This is where you find your AGENCY—everything within your control, regardless of circumstances, environment, and others' actions and attitudes. Though small compared to the pizza, it is an empowering space.

Embrace Your Power: The True Meaning of Agency

Taking command of your life means focusing on what you can control and then diving into action.

Instead of worrying over things you can't change, zero in on your next move.

When life presents you with challenges, ask yourself not “Why me?” but “What's next?"

Are you concerned about your health? Take proactive steps to enhance it.

Frustrated with your finances? Learn money management, find ways to earn more, or seek guidance from a mentor.

Obsessing others' decisions will get you nowhere - your actions and choices matter.

It's easy to feel paralyzed and wallow in self-pity. But your power lies in your next pivot, in taking the next step, no matter how small.

A True Story

Thirty-five years ago, I was seriously considering walking out on my marriage.

I was unhappy.

Finding joy was an insurmountable mountain with a summit I could neither see nor imagine.

Sam (my husband) and I attended a marriage retreat as a last-ditch effort. I can't remember anything that happened except these words that changed everything:

What kind of nonsense is that? I thought at first.

It turns out that what sounded like rubbish was the truth.

Living day in and day out, waiting for "the right feeling" to come, was living in my Circle of Concern. "What if I'm never happy?" "What if I can find happiness somewhere else?"

Ultimately, I chose to climb the mountain— for a decade—one choice I could control at a time. Fortunately, Sam made the same choice.

Thirty-seven years later, we’re still taking one step at a time and enjoying each more than ever.

No Mountain Is Too Big

No mountain or tragedy is too big to step into your Circle of Control.

Here's how Edith Eva Eger, a survivor of Auschwitz and author of The Choice, describes living from one's Circle of Control:

• "Time doesn't heal. It’s what you do with the time. Healing is possible when we choose to take responsibility, when we choose to take risks, and finally, when we choose to release the wound, to let go of the past or the grief."

• "We don’t know where we’re going, we don’t know what’s going to happen, but no one can take away from you what you put in your own mind."

• "The only place where we can exercise our freedom of choice is in the present."

• "I see that we have a choice: to pay attention to what we’ve lost or to pay attention to what we still have."

• "We cannot choose to have a life free of hurt. But we can choose to be free, to escape the past, no matter what befalls us, and to embrace the possible."

Harmful Choices Made Inside the Circle of Concern

Let’s be clear. There is always a choice, and the Circle of Concern is filled with harmful choices: Fear. Paralysis. Blaming. Bitterness.

Let’s use job burnout as an example. Research studies (referenced here and here) have shown that burnout is not the result of too much work but too little fulfilling work.

For example;

Lack of Impact: When you don't feel your work makes a difference, it can lead to feelings of burnout.

Intellectual Underutilization: Being busy but not challenged can be just as draining as overworked.

Value Mismatch: Burnout is more likely if your job doesn't align with your values.

When burning out, we can fool ourselves into believing that we are stuck, have no choices, and that changing our circumstances is impossible. Not true.

We stay in the Circle of Concern by adopting a victim mentality (I can't leave, the job market is terrible, I’m too old or young to change paths, blah, blah).

Pivoting to Your Circle of Control

There is always a choice and an opportunity to pivot to your Circle of Control. One way is by changing the stories you tell yourself.

Circle of Concern Script: I'm stuck; I have no options.

Circle of Control Script: Options are endless; I just need to find my next step, and I will.

Circle of Concern Script: It's always been done this way; I have no power.

Circle of Control Script: I can inspire change. I will advocate for myself. I don't yet know how, but I will figure it out.

Circle of Concern Script: I made too many mistakes and failed too many times. I will never get it right.

Circle of Control Script: Every great story includes characters who fail and make mistakes. But heroes overcome their failures and errors to get what they want.

It’s your turn. Remember that a pivot always starts in the six inches between your ears. First comes a new perspective. Action follows.

What will you do next?

P.S. I had to pause the Just One Pivot Podcast as I stepped back into my Circle of Control. I’ll tell you more about it when it returns in 2025. In the meantime…

• Ask me anything: If you have questions you want me to address in future issues, just hit reply and ask away. I will keep your question anonymous.

• I’m booking speaking engagements for 2025. Let's chat if you want me to come and inspire your group or team. Hit reply or start here.

• Share this issue with someone who may need to read it. Just forward it or send it to JustOnePivot.com.

• Get your copy of Bridge Builders: How Superb Communicators Get What They Want In Business and In Life, and find more ways to chuck the Circle of Concern to live from your Circle of Control.