P7: Making Room for What You Want

Welcome to the seventh installment of Just One Pivot. If someone shared it with you, you can subscribe here.

Getting rid of what we no longer need is hard.

Bobby, my late mother-in-law, grew up during the Depression when every penny and possession was precious.

Although times and financial conditions eventually changed, her instinct to hoard remained.

Over the years, she amassed dusty and moldy Christmas and seasonal decorations, raggedy flannel shirts, rusty tools, saved pieces of wood from old building projects, and much more, all tucked away in boxes, bags, closets, and hidden corners.

This clutter weighed her down and caused significant stress, especially when she moved from Pennsylvania to California and then back to Pennsylvania after a few years because she couldn't adapt to the culture.

Hauling and holding on to her precious cargo was not only financially costly but also emotionally draining.

When my husband and I tried to get her to part with some of it, we were met not only with resistance but also with criticism:

"I can't! I paid good money for all that stuff, and I'm not about to just give it away."

Then she would turn to me and say, "Frankly, I can’t understand how you can get rid of things so easily."

She was referencing the couch and lamps that still had years of life in them, the clothes that would come back in style, the garden gnomes, and gifts we had received over the years, which she happened to see on a garage sale table.

Deep inside, I understood.

When I migrated to the U.S. with only one suitcase, my mom, and my two siblings, I had to guard every penny, possession, and belief with clenched fists. Giving them away, even if I didn’t need them, felt like an indulgence or a betrayal.

Then one day, I heard a mentor say this:

“You have to get rid of what you no longer need to make room for what you want.”

He wasn’t just talking about material possessions.

I eventually learned that holding on or letting go are practices that affect every other area of our lives because the way we do anything is the way we do everything.

For example, holding on to things that have outlived their purpose is a habit. Chances are, I’m holding on to things in other areas of my life that no longer serve their purpose, whether we’re talking about relationships, health habits, jobs and career choices, dreams and goals, or emotional baggage.

The Pivot

Pivoting from scarcity (which drives our unwillingness to let go) to making space for what you want doesn’t happen overnight. But it can happen faster than you think when you shift your perspective.

By now you should know that changing perspective starts when you lean into curiosity and start asking questions. Here are some to get you started:

• What am I gaining by holding on to this?

• What am I losing by not letting go?

• How would my life improve if I let this go?

• Is this item, relationship, or habit adding value to my life?

• What am I making space for by letting this go?

• Am I holding on out of fear or necessity?

• How does holding on to this align with my current goals and values?

Reframe the Story

Bobby and I finally had a heart-to-heart about my knack for letting go of things and her view that I was wasteful or ungrateful. Here's the real scoop.

Right after Sam and I got married, the recession hit us hard. We had just started a cleaning business—our only option after he lost eleven jobs in twelve months, and I was a stay-at-home mom with a newborn. We were living paycheck to paycheck, often juggling bills to make ends meet.

Yet, if you stepped into our cozy little apartment, you'd think we had splurged on decorating it. Every furniture and decor matched perfectly, and every detail looked thoughtfully designed and chosen.

The truth is, it was all from garage sales and thrift stores. I was constantly amazed by the generosity of people who gave away things in pristine condition.

I made a vow then: if I didn't use something for a whole year, I'd let it go so it could find a new home and bless another family just as it had blessed us.

Interestingly, this habit of letting go also seeped into other areas of my life.

Over the past 30 years, I've let go of grudges, relationships, jobs, and even lucrative opportunities. In doing so, what my soul truly wanted and new opportunities began to appear in the most unexpected ways.

And that's what I'll be diving into in the next issue.

A Bite of Science

Letting go of what no longer serves us can have profound psychological benefits, not just with material possessions but also with non-material aspects of our lives. Research has shown that practicing voluntary simplicity and letting go of grievances or grudges (forgiveness) can significantly improve mental health.

Your Turn

Remember this: you can’t simultaneously keep your fists clenched to hold on to something while keeping your hands open to receive what can be yours.

I’m in a season of letting go and speak from experience. The moment I open my fists and let go, newfound energy, creativity, and possibility begin to flow.

How about you? Do you sense that it’s time to let go of something? What possibilities do you wish would fill that space?

I’d love to hear about it and cheer you on. Just hit reply and share your story.

P.S. I’m testing a Saturday delivery of this letter. What do you think? As always, if you know someone who may need to read this, forward it or send it to JustOnePivot.com.