P22: The Gentle Art of a Congruence Check-In

Welcome to Just One Pivot, where we explore how a single shift in perspective can transform our lives. If someone shared it with you, you can subscribe here.

Reading Time: 5-7 Minutes

Sometimes, what feels like a crisis is really just a turning point in disguise.

That quiet sense that something’s off can be the perfect invitation to check for congruence.

Congruence isn’t the same as alignment.

Alignment means things are pointed in the right general direction.

If your spine is out of alignment, you visit a chiropractor. If your goals and calendar are out of alignment, you make a few adjustments.

But congruence is about fit.

A square peg can’t align with a round hole. It needs to find a shape that matches its own.

And when our outer life doesn’t reflect our inner values, we can’t just find alignment. We need congruence.

Take renowned composer and producer David Foster, for example.

Sixteen Grammys. Iconic hits with Whitney, Celine, and others. A career most would call a dream.

And yet?

He packed up all his trophies and moved them into storage.

What once symbolized success had started to feel… hollow.

That wasn’t a breakdown. It was a breakthrough. A question not of failure, but of fit.

A key takeaway is that a moment of incongruence can become a doorway to something more honest, more personal, more true.

Because the goal isn’t just to be successful. It’s to feel like yourself inside a life that feels meaningful.

And that’s where the pivot begins.

PIVOT POINT

That’s today’s pivot: Learn to spot the moments when your life and values fall out of sync and what to do next. In short, master the art of the Congruence Check.

Why? Because the feeling that something is off usually starts before anything falls apart. And if we’re paying attention, we can choose to shift before we’re forced to.

THE LANDSCAPE

We’re surrounded by conditions we can’t control—shrinking budgets, shifting policies, complex systems, volatile markets, questionable leaders.

Those aren’t always alignment problems. They’re congruence challenges—where the outer reality doesn’t reflect what we value, need, or believe in.

And while we may not be able to rewrite political agendas or reshape entire industries overnight, we can reclaim our agency.

We can pay attention to what feels right, where the friction lives, and how to move even slightly closer to the life—and work—that fits us.

Congruence starts within.

It asks: What’s mine to adjust? What still fits—and what doesn’t anymore?

That kind of reflection isn’t indulgent. It’s strategic. It helps us navigate uncertainty with more clarity, more integrity, and more calm.

In Academia

Tenure is often the ultimate prize. Publish or perish. CVs that read like novellas. The structure is clear. But the fit isn’t always.

According to Cheeky Scientist, a career platform for PhDs, a growing number of researchers are leaving academia.

Not because they can’t succeed, but because success in that system no longer reflects what they value. The work may be intellectually aligned, but emotionally and existentially, something feels off.

It’s not about walking away from achievement. It’s about reclaiming a life that fits.

In Corporate

One of my clients, Lacy, spent over two decades as a top sales producer. She delivered year after year, powered by long hours and strong client relationships.

But after the pandemic disrupted her once-steady stream of business, she noticed something deeper: she didn’t want to rebuild the same way.

The hustle that once fit… didn’t anymore.

That wasn’t burnout. It was incongruence.

We worked together to help her define a new version of success—one that still leveraged her skills, but in a role that gave her more space, purpose, and creativity.

She didn’t quit. She realigned.

In Healthcare

Many enter the medical field with a sense of purpose—driven to serve, to heal, to connect.

But for countless doctors and nurses today, the systems they work in no longer support the kind of care they believe in.

One physician told me plainly, “There’s no time for empathy anymore.”

That’s not just an operational challenge. It’s a congruence rupture. Their values and reality no longer match.

Some, like surgeon Mark G. Shrime, have taken that discomfort and used it as fuel for a larger reckoning.

After a near-fatal car accident, he re-evaluated everything—his purpose, his path, his why.

As he wrote in Solving for Why:

And when the outside world gets loud, congruence is how we find our way back to that inner compass.

THE MENTAL SHIFT

These aren’t stories of failure. They’re stories of fit.

In each case—academia, corporate, healthcare—the turning point wasn’t a collapse. It was a quiet realization:

That’s the real power of congruence. It helps us recognize when the shape of our life no longer matches the shape of who we’re becoming.

And here’s the shift: congruence doesn’t always require a dramatic exit.

Sometimes it’s a small, thoughtful pivot. A deeper conversation. A new boundary. A reclaimed Saturday. A rewritten definition of “success.”

The world may still demand a lot. But we don’t have to give it everything.

Not at the cost of ourselves.

TINY SHIFT

Congruence doesn’t always require a major life pivot. Sometimes, it begins with a quiet, consistent check-in.

High-performance coach Brendon Burchard—who came face-to-face with his own mortality after a near-fatal car crash—emerged with a simple but powerful daily practice.

At the end of each day, he asks himself three questions:

• Did I love?
  Did I show up with openness, presence, and heart?

• Did I live?
  Did I engage with life—not just work, but joy, connection, curiosity?

• Did I matter?
  Did I contribute something meaningful to someone, in some way?

It’s not a productivity hack. It’s a congruence check. A way to notice—day by day—if you’re living in a way that fits who you want to be.

No pressure. No performance. Just presence.

PIVOT CHALLENGE

If a quiet daily check-in helps you notice the shape of your day, a deeper congruence inventory helps you notice the shape of your life.

You don’t need a crisis to pause. You just need the willingness to listen for what no longer feels congruent—and the courage to respond.

Try asking yourself:

• Where in my life do things look right but feel off?

• What parts of my work or routine no longer fit?

• What have I outgrown, and what have I been craving more of?

• What would a more congruent version of success look like now?

And if you want to see what that can look like in real life, meet Lacy.

Lacy’s Story

With more than 400 hours of unused vacation on the books, Lacy finally paused to ask what all that success had really cost her.

After a two-week solo retreat to Japan, we explored the original Japanese concept of ikigai.

Not the Westernized Venn diagram often shared online—the tidy intersection of what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.

Instead, we turned to something more grounded: a deeper, more internal sense of congruence with core values and an emotional sense of ikigai-kan or a life that feels worth living.

Psychologist and ikigai scholar Mieko Kamiya identifies seven core human needs that help cultivate this felt sense of meaning:

• Life satisfaction – joy and contentment in the present

• Change and growth – a sense of progress and learning

• A bright future – hope, excitement, and something to look forward to

• Resonance – connection, authenticity, and emotional presence

• Freedom – autonomy and the ability to choose

• Self-actualization – expression of your talents and potential

• Meaning and value – contribution to something beyond yourself

Tracy didn’t quit her job. She reimagined it by stepping into a managerial role where she could mentor others instead of chasing the next sale.

The time she once spent on the road? She now spends it taking weekend trips with her family, teaching Sunday school at her church, and gently shaping a passion project—with no pressure to monetize or perform.

Every month, she journals on how her life is supporting each of those seven needs.

Here’s a snapshot from one of her recent entries:

• Life satisfaction: Made cookies with the girls

• Change and growth: Took the trolley to work three days instead of driving

• A bright future: Planted my first herb garden

• Resonance: Started teaching Sunday school

• Freedom: Took Friday off without apologizing or filling it with errands

• Self-actualization: Started writing again

• Meaning and value: Helped my neighbor navigate her post-surgery care

She’s not chasing balance—she’s cultivating congruence. Slowly. Intentionally. On her terms.

Sometimes the boldest move isn’t walking away. It’s choosing to stay and live differently.

A congruence check isn’t about a rigid checklist. It’s about intention, tracking congruence and noticing when life starts to feel whole again.

WHY A CONGRUENCE INVENTORY WORKS

Our brains are wired for pattern recognition and meaning-making.

When we pause to reflect, especially with intention, we engage the brain’s default mode network (DMN), the part responsible for self-awareness, memory, and imagining future possibilities.

In other words, reflection isn’t passive. It’s a deeply active process that rewires how we relate to ourselves and our lives.

Research in neuroscience and psychology shows that even brief, consistent reflection can:

• Reduce stress and emotional reactivity by strengthening the prefrontal cortex’s influence over the amygdala

• Improve mood and resilience by reinforcing a sense of purpose

• Boost motivation and clarity through what psychologists call self-concordance—the alignment between your goals and your internal values

But congruence takes it a step further.

It’s not just asking, Did I do what I said I would? It’s asking, Is what I’m doing still true to who I am?

Even simple questions like “Did I love? Did I live? Did I matter?” help train your brain to prioritize what actually fits—and to notice when it doesn’t.

This isn’t fluff. It’s cognitive maintenance. It’s emotional hygiene.

And it might be the smallest habit that keeps you from drifting too far from yourself.

Don’t wait for a crisis to take inventory. Don’t wait until “great” feels hollow.

A congruence check-in now could be the moment that brings your next chapter into view.

P.S. Great news 🚀—I’ve got openings!   I rarely have space on my calendar, but this spring and summer I have a few speaking slots available to inspire your group, and two openings for one-on-one coaching (I only work with 12 individuals a year).

If you’ve been thinking, “Maybe now’s the time to get more clarity and direction…”—you might be right. As my first coach told me:

📧 Send me a note and let’s chat