P10: What if the Next Chapter of Your Story

Welcome to the tenth issue of Just One Pivot where we explore how a single shift in perspective can transform your life. If someone shared it with you, you can subscribe here.

Today, we're diving into Act Two of our three-part series on living a great story, a more meaningful way to plan for the future.

In Act One of this series, I kicked off the conversation by proposing a new perspective to assess the year that is ending and plan for the one that is beginning:

When I first adopted this perspective in 2012, I finally understood why the thrill of setting and achieving goals can be fleeting and short-lived and why it isn't the complete recipe for a truly meaningful life.

At the time, I was an aspiring author, just beginning to envision the storyline of Daniel Reed, the protagonist of my first book, Bridge Builders: How Superb Communicators Get What They Want.

When I heard Donald Miller at the Storyline Conference say, “What makes a great story also makes a great life,” I realized that the tools I used as a writer could have a more profound purpose. I could change the plot of my life story and transform the protagonist (me) through the ups and downs of life.

In this issue and the next, I will share more of those tools with you and invite you to continue the exercises we started last week. Let’s start with some of the basics.

The Basics of Your Story

• Your story is about the journey of a character (you) who wants something and must confront conflict (struggles, suffering, or pain) to get it. In the process of pursuing an ambition, the character grows and transforms. Key insight: First, you need to know what you want.

• Forward momentum (action) is what great stories are about. Key insight: Characters don’t take action unless they have to. Why? Because our default is to seek comfort. Therefore, just like when writing a story, you’ll need to create inciting incidents (intentional events or moments) to move the plot of your story forward. We’ll take a deeper dive into this part next week.

• Your story’s protagonist (you) shows up either as the victim (who feels powerless and lets life happen), the villain (whose actions inflict pain on others), the hero (who isn’t perfect but takes action in pursuit of a worthy goal), or the guide (whose actions are about building someone up). Key insight: Becoming aware of your roles in various areas of your life is crucial.

The Pivot: Get Real About What You Want

You already know how to set goals. They have helped you achieve at least one feat you are proud of: starting a business, graduating from college, losing weight, or finishing an important project.

But here’s the rub.

In almost three decades of mentoring and coaching others, I have found that many of us achieve goals that don’t yield the life we truly want, at least in part.

Take “Joe” (not his real name), for example. Joe was a coaching client I met over a decade ago when he was facing a midlife crisis.

With degrees from prestigious institutions, he had achieved everything he set out to achieve. He owned a luxury car, had held multiple C-level roles, and had raised millions of dollars in venture capital for various businesses. Yet, he was on the brink of hating his life.

He realized that while checking off the boxes, the plot of his story had gone in the wrong direction in at least two key areas of his life. It was time to get real and edit the story.

Your Turn

I’m giving you three powerful exercises that can change the momentum of your individual or team story. For example, if your story includes individual aspirations and aspirations involving a partner or team, you may want to go through these exercises individually first. Then, go through them with a spouse, partner, or team as you co-edit the next chapter of your collective story.

Remember, the makings of a great story are about characters who have clear ambitions (knowing what they want) and overcoming challenges to achieve those ambitions.

First: Play the What If Game

This is a technique writers use to break through writer’s block and imagine new possibilities for the story's hero. The key is honesty, which may take time if you have suppressed your true ambitions.

We suppress our ambitions because it’s easier to choose goals that, though ambitious, have a guaranteed outcome if we work hard enough. When I wrote about “Fighting for What You Want,” I shared how asking, “What if I change my legacy?” and “What if I could have a world-class marriage?” helped change my perspective and, ultimately, my goals. 

Choose as many “What if” scenarios as you can. This exercise is about brainstorming possibilities as you consider the various roles in your life (spouse, parent, business owner, teacher, entrepreneur, etc.).

Second: Write Your Eulogy

Because I lost my father when he was 39 and I was twelve, I have always lived my life with an ever-present sense of my mortality. For a long time, I feared I would share the same fate, either dying young or becoming a young widow like my mother.

Over time, I pivoted to a new perspective: Every life has an expiration date, and every day is a blessing. This realization changed how I live and has given me peace during times of life-altering news.

In Hero with a Mission, Donald Miller takes this perspective further. He first challenges readers to make an educated guess about how many years they might have left based on genes, wellness habits, and family longevity.

Then, he challenges us to write our eulogy. Too morbid? Perhaps, but having lived with this perspective for decades, I can tell you that the right mindset can catalyze daily gratitude and purposeful intention as we choose the daily actions that will move the plot of our stories forward.

The trick is to write this eulogy in the past tense as if what’s written has already happened. At first, it will introduce cognitive dissonance because it contradicts what we think is possible. As we read it daily (a required step of this exercise), our actions and goals align with the envisioned reality.

Shoot for one page. For example, mine starts this way:

Remember, the makings of a great story are about characters who have an ambition (know what they want) and overcome challenges to achieve it.

Third, Beware of Who Hijacks Your Story

As you reflect on your next chapter, it's crucial to recognize when the victim or the villain might be hijacking your story.

Here are some reflection questions and suggested steps to help you become more self-aware and ensure that the hero or the guide remains in control:

1. Victim Mindset:

   • When do I feel powerless or overwhelmed?

   • What situations make me feel like life is happening to me rather than me taking charge?

   • How can I shift my perspective to see challenges as opportunities for growth?

2. Villain Behavior:

   • Are there times when my actions or words might be causing harm to others?

   • What triggers me to act out of anger, frustration, or fear?

   • How can I practice empathy and kindness, even in difficult situations?

3. Hero Actions:

   • Start each day by reading your eulogy.

   • What steps can I take today to move the plot of my story forward despite obstacles?

   • How can I celebrate victories and stay motivated on my journey?

4. Guide Role:

   • Who in my life can benefit from my support and guidance?

   • How can I use my experiences to help others grow and succeed?

   • What actions can I take to be a positive influence in my community?

That’s it for now. We’ll dive even deeper into inciting incidents and focusing the plot of our story when Act Three arrives next week.

Thank you for reading this far! I am cheering for you and your story.

P.S. This is not only the 10th issue anniversary of Just One Pivot, but also the last one of 2024. I would love to know ONE takeaway you’ve acted on so far. Hit reply and let me know—it would make my day.

P.S.S. If you can think of others who can benefit from this process, share it or send them to JustOnePivot.com.