P9: Lessons from Your Storyline, Growth vs. Achievement, and a Kinder Annual Review

Welcome to the ninth issue of Just One Pivot where we explore how a single shift in perspective can transform your life. If someone shared it with you, you can subscribe here.

Today’s Pivot: See Your Life through the Lens of Story

Almost three decades ago, I pivoted from letting each year just fly by to adopting an annual clarity practice of reflecting on the past year and planning for the year ahead. It has been one of the most rewarding and profitable habits of my life.

As soon as December rolls around, my brain starts asking, "What do you need to let go?" and "What do you want to keep?" It’s a sort of priming process that sets the stage for the formal review process.

For some years, the process was obsessive and meticulous, usually when I was tackling a BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal).

It involved taking inventory of every aspect of my life, establishing long-term and short-term goals, and outlining quarterly, monthly, weekly, and daily action plans. It was intense.

Your Storyline

In 2012, I attended a three-day conference called Storyline, the brainchild of bestselling author and entrepreneur Donald Miller. It rocked my world at a time when I was on the brink of burnout. The premise was simple and compelling:

As a writer, I found the idea of thinking about my life through the structure of a story appealing.

When I began filtering my life through this structure, everything made sense—life’s unexpected turns, failures, disappointments, conflicts, and the roles of various characters.

Simply put, a story is the journey of a character who wants something and must overcome conflict to get it.

Great stories, whether real or fictional, share two things: characters who grow and conflict or the suffering they overcome in the process.

Within the context of your story, Miller’s description of characters is essential:

More on this later. For now, let’s dive into the exercises.

Step One: Mapping the Journey

For this reflective exercise, you need a backstory with your “life turns,” a phrase writers use to describe events that change a character’s life in a way that can’t be undone. Miller puts it this way:

Before plotting your positive life turns (peaks) and negative turns (valleys) on a timeline, consider listing them on a piece of paper (chronologically) with a brief description and a positive or negative value on a scale from 1 to 10 (positive turn) or -1 to -10 (negative value).

For example, one of my positive turns involved winning an elementary school chess tournament and realizing I was intelligent. A negative turn involved dropping out of my first attempt at community college because I couldn’t speak English well and felt dumb.

Get a large piece of paper and start creating your storyline, adding your life turns. Use the length of the lines on the x-axis to represent the positive or negative values.

Don’t worry yet about the theme. We’ll get to that later.

Your timeline will continue to evolve as you remember and encounter new life turns. But with this first iteration in hand, you are ready to begin reflecting—a process that will pay dividends depending on your investment.

Rush the process, and the returns will be small.

Take your time, and you'll see patterns and clarity emerge.

Having walked mentees and coaching clients through this process, I can tell you that going through it with someone else can illuminate new perspectives. It’s more fun, too.

Step Two: Reflective Review Process

Blessings and Positive Turns

This part of the process forces us to acknowledge, celebrate, and metabolize the bright moments in our lives.

• What unexpected blessing am I grateful for?

• What moments brought me the most joy?

• How did I grow emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually?

• What relationships enriched my life, and how did they impact me?

• What moments am I most proud of?

• What character traits showed up that surprised me, or that I’m proud of?

• What are the themes among the positive turns along my journey?

Negative Turns and Redemptive Perspectives

Negative turns in your story represent conflict or suffering. Without conflict, stories become stale, and characters don't change.

This is important: our perspective on suffering determines whether we see ourselves as victims feeling sorry for ourselves and unable to act, tyrants inflicting pain on others, heroes, flawed but determined to overcome obstacles or guides driven by a selfless desire to pass on the wisdom they’ve acquired along the way.

Viktor Frankl, who survived four concentration camps during Nazi Germany, put it this way:

Similarly, Auschwitz survivor Edith Ava Eger noted in her memoir, The Choice, that finding meaning in suffering is crucial for healing trauma.

It’s your turn.

Reflect on the negative turns in your life and identify a redemptive perspective for each.

For example, a brilliant young woman I recently coached missed the mark on her medical school entry exams and must take additional university courses before she can apply again.

She found a redemptive perspective by recognizing the deep and supportive friends she found during this time, which she never would have met had she succeeded the first time.

Multiple failures and hardships have deepened my empathy for others and shaped my purpose and life work.

Reflection Prompts:

• What did I learn, or can I learn from the challenges I have faced?

• How have my struggles shaped my character and values?

• What unexpected blessings emerged from difficult situations?

• How can I use my experiences to help others?

• What strengths have I developed through adversity?

Step Three: The Theme of Your Story

By now, you should be able to see similar patterns in your storyline. Can you identify a theme present throughout your story?

The first time I examined my story's data, I was immediately reminded of the Footprints poem. I wrote, "God was always with me." 

Every story has a unique theme, and yours is no different.

Know, however, that the theme you write down is a matter of perspective, depending on your vantage point at any given time. So do not overthink the process. Think of this next exercise as fluid and editable.

What about you?

Is there a word or phrase that describes your theme? Please write it down. How does this insight help you consider your past year and the year ahead?

We’ll dive deeper when Act Two arrives next week. That’s it for now.

Here’s what to expect:

• Inciting Incidents

• Necessary Leaps

• “What Ifs” vs. Goals

Happy Review Season!

P.S. If you can think of others who can benefit from this process, share it or send them to JustOnePivot.com.